So, you may not have noticed — I’ve hardly posted here this year — but I’ve made cherilucasrowlands.com into an archive.
There are a number of reasons for this. But mainly, I’ve needed a more private space to write. I’ve enjoyed having a readership here over the years, but always facing outward — imagining a mass of people on the other side of my screen — continues to paralyze me. It’s not that I’m done with blogging, as I’m still very much publishing posts in other places, like here and here. But I need to write for myself again, to write without thinking, to write and not have to answer to anyone. Sometimes it’s hard to do this when you have all these followers who say they read you because you have something to say. Or because they look up to you as some sort of model for blogging.
Believe me, I love likes and comments. I love all the interactions I have with people, mainly strangers and those I’ve not met in person. This month, I’m running a WordPress.com Writing 101 course, and this first week has reminded me why I started blogging in the first place, many years ago. I’ve received some of the loveliest, kindest comments from people who simply want to express themselves.
I know that feeling. I miss that feeling.
I’d created a new blog several months ago, Notebook, for free-writes and fragments. A blank slate to experiment and say whatever I want. Nothing fancy. Intentionally simple. I can’t preoccupy myself there with theme switches and widget pruning — it’s a blog with text and a vague About page. That’s it.
And it’s so fucking freeing.
I feel odd saying that I need a private space to write, but am now giving you the link, which might bite me in the end. And it might all be in my head, but when I see that this blog has nearly 30,000 followers, I freak out. That’s ultimately just a number, but it bothers me: it’s been the source of my writer’s block for quite some time.
So, I’ve hit the reset button.
And no, this site isn’t going away — it’s still my online home, and all of my past posts are accessible and searchable. I’ll keep it updated with links and occasional posts, when needed.