I am split in half. I have two very different dreams.
In one dream, I have a comfy home on half an acre — a result of my Zillow searches for land, my obsession with bungalows and modern prefab homes, and my deep-down desire for a countryside property I can call my own. In the other dream, I’m nomadic and free of nearly everything — living out of my backpack; or roaming around North America in a tiny travel trailer; or Airbnb hopping, exploring a different city each month.
After a recent conversation with my husband, I realized that our tiny house is the bastard child of these two very different dreams. Built on wheels, with a traditional facade and an interior with bits of modern design, the house is a confused byproduct of two goals and two lifestyles — and a symbol of my fragmented self. It’s cute as hell, but considering my two opposite dreams of planting roots and exploring the world, it’s stuck in limbo and doesn’t actually do either of these things well. It can be towed, but it’s heavy, bulky, and not nimble like an RV. On the other hand, at 131 square feet, it’s simply too small to be truly comfortable — and is far from a space that we could grow in.
And in the end, this is what I birthed.
I’m not sure what this means: Am I an awful planner? Can I not be trusted with house plans? Should we have bought a camper van instead? Is my house ultimately impractical?
Despite being mindful, even dismissive, of the romantic attitude toward tiny houses, were we still swept away?
(Yes — I hear you saying, “I told you so.”)
But I’m not disappointed in my child. Despite its flaws, I’m pleased with our house and very happy to live where I live; to look out of my kitchen window into a beautiful green pasture; and to live in a physical space that we truly own and have paid off. But there were multiple paths we could have taken, and I constantly wonder if this was the best one.
I felt this post should live here instead of there. Not sure why. If you’ve not followed along on my other blog, please take a peek there before commenting here.